My mom is an amazing cook. Her mom was a good cook, and she carried on the legacy – biscuits and sausage gravy, goulash, morel mushroom bisque, and homemade bread.
I will never forget the Saturday mornings of my childhood. Mom baked bread – loaves and loaves of bread. When she took it out of the oven, we cut up a loaf of warm bread, slathered on the butter and strawberry freezer jam, and then our family of four devoured the entire loaf.
When I entered marriage, I immediately started comparing my wife Laura’s cooking to my mom’s. It was unfair. I compared my mom and Laura in many ways. I tried to get Laura to change the way she did things because I liked the way my mom did them. Then one day Laura “gently” reminded me that I was not married to my mother.
Women are genetically disposed to compare themselves to other women. They do it in their head and no one else knows about it: Am I as pretty as she is? Do I seem as smart as she is? Am I as good of a mother as my friend is? This is how a woman processes whether or not she is “stacking up.” Again, she plays this comparison game in her mind for her own consumption.
However, when a woman’s husband compares her to other women, in any scenario, he does serious damage to her self-worth and subsequently to their marriage.
We live in Alma, Michigan. It is a quintessential small mid-western town with a private liberal arts college. At one time, every day when we drove to work, we had to drive right through the middle of the campus, and every day co-eds were everywhere. I was in my thirties, and I admit that as I drove into town, my head was on a swivel. I was trying to catch a glimpse of some young female.
I will never forget one particularly warm day in June. Many coeds were sunbathing on the lawn of the school’s chapel. The hurt in Laura’s voice cut me to my core when she said, “You know, I’ve given birth to two children, and I’ll never look like that again, so will you please stop gawking!”
What we have to learn is that the spouse God gave us is all we will ever need in our marriage. Satan will try to get us to believe that there is someone better out there. But do not be fooled. We are all fallen creatures who have scars and baggage.
When you grasp the idea that your spouse, given to you by God, is all you ever need, you start looking at that person in an entirely different light. Look for the good and not the bad, the helpful not the hurtful, and your marriage will grow strong.
Remember, Eve never had to hear about Adam’s mom’s cooking. Instead of complaining, celebrate your wife and all the blessings she has brought to your marriage.