The Christmas season isn’t just one to be survived. It’s one to be enjoyed to the fullest. We want you to take advantage of the gifts Christmas gives, like the chance to be a little extra romantic. Here are 3 ways Christmas can give your marriage a little holiday spice, from All Pro Dad.

Spend a lot of time together. Take advantage of the change up in your routine to really focus on one another. There are so many Christmassy activities you can do together, like baking cookies and hanging lights.

Get festive. Do as many holiday-themed things as your spouse would enjoy. Decorate, dress up, wear the Santa hat, go caroling, roast chestnuts, play “Jingle Bells”, sing “Silent Night”, and most important—hang plenty of mistletoe.

Don’t forget to snuggle. Hayrides, sleigh rides, chilly temps and warm cozy fireplaces are all great excuses to cuddle up together, so take advantage.

Take every opportunity you have this Christmas to spark a little romance with your spouse. Tis the season!

It takes courage to stay married these days.

We love to golf and one of our favorite golf quotes is from Tommy Armour who said: “If you want to play golf you’ve got to learn to love the struggle”.  Boy is that true for golf, but it’s also true in marriage.

It’s a struggle being married to a first-born male who always thinks he’s right!  It’s a struggle to be married to a woman whose spiritual gift is sarcasm. It’s a struggle to live with someone who puts the toilet paper on the wrong way!  (Thankfully we’ve figured that one out!)

Romans 12:2 says “Do not conform to the pattern of this world but be transformed by the renewing of your minds.” Unfortunately, the pattern of this world doesn’t tell us to “learn to love the struggle” does it?  No instead it tells us if our marriage is a struggle to get out!  “God wants us to be happy right?”  Newsflash— God doesn’t want us to be happy — He wants us to glorify Him.

Here are four habits Courageous Couples practice which in turn glorifies God.

1. Communicate.  Understand that men and women communicate differently and that’s OK.  Men talk about facts and activities and women talk about people and feelings.  So guys, never ask her what she thinks about something ask her how she feels and ladies never ask him how he feels about something ask him what he thinks. Seems elementary, and it is, but it works!

2. Cuddle.  We know this isn’t second nature for most men, but fellas your wife needs to be touched in non-sexual ways.  What happens when you give your wife non-sexual touches?  First, it makes her feel secure in her femininity.  She feels like a woman.  Second, it makes her feel secure in your relationship.  She knows you are good. And finally, it makes her feel loved.  What man doesn’t want his wife to feel loved?

3. Consummate.  That’s right sex.  Ladies for 80% of you your husband has a higher sex drive than you and as a result, you feel like it’s all he has on his mind.  But trust us this is a real drive for most men.  What happens for your husband when you have sex? First, it makes him feel secure in his masculinity.  He feels like a man. Second, it makes him feel secure in your relationship. He knows you are good. And finally, it makes him feel loved.  What woman doesn’t want her husband to feel loved?

You see to Cuddle and to Consummate go hand in hand.

4. Chuckle.  A great sense of humor is not the ability to laugh or make others laugh. It’s the ability to laugh at oneself.  Proverbs 17:22 says “Laughter is like good medicine.” It’s been medically proven that when we laugh our bodies release endorphins. These hormones are like natural drugs which heal the body.  When you laugh with your spouse it can actually heal your hurt and pain in the relationship.  Learning to laugh together is one activity you can share for your entire life!

We were made to be in relationship and when courageous couples practice these four habits we truly glorify God because it is He who made us to be in relationship.

My (Jay’s) mom has a famous saying…”sorry kiddo there’s no perfection in this world!” Mostly she would say that to me when I would get disappointed because my expectations for a situation went unmet.  Unmet expectations can be a real killer in relationships and are exacerbated by our culture and it’s obsession with social media, comparison, and perfectionism.

Social Media

We love Social Media!  It’s a great way to stay in touch with distant friends, to watch their kids grow and in general to stay up on what’s “new”.  Unfortunately, everyone posts their “A” game on Social Media and as a result, we never see the “real” life that they are living.

For example, if people were to look at our Facebook page they would see all the fun places we get to travel and all the neat people we get to meet.  They would think we have a “dream job” and to a certain extent, we do. However, what they won’t see is us crawling into bed at 2am because our flight was delayed.  Or the constant battle with weight because we are on the road all the time and exercise is non-existent and eating out is the norm.

Only looking at others “A” game simply leads to…

Comparison

When we compare we tend to get stuck on the idea of “why is everyone else’s life so much better than mine?”  Their life isn’t better than your’s it’s just different.  Again you don’t know their struggles and challenges.  Further, you don’t know their past and the path they have walked.

Comparison is the thief of JOY

When we compare, we rob ourselves of the tremendous JOY that comes from knowing God is in control and He has you right where He wants you.  When we focus on the blessings we DO have we tend to see our life differently, our spouse differently and our relationships differently.  All in the light of God and His sovereignty.

And when we realize God is in control we can eliminate…

Perfectionism

I (Jay) remember thinking early in our marriage that if Laura was more like me we’d have a perfect marriage.  Then she gently reminded me that if both of us were the same…one of us wouldn’t be necessary…and I can tell you who that would be!

Ruth Graham once said that good marriages are made up of two great forgivers! Nothing could be closer to the truth!! When we realize all that God has forgiven in me, it becomes easier to forgive others, particularly our spouse.

It’s only when we learn to forgive that we understand the phrase “There ain’t know perfection in this world” and realize this axiom:

Focus on Progress NOT Perfection.  Set realistic goals in your marriage. Setting reasonable, manageable, measurable goals is how you progressively move your marriage in a positive direction.  Here are just a few examples of realistic goals:

• Set a budget for your family and meet with your spouse once a month to make sure you are on track.
• Date once a week, but alternate who decides what to do for the date.
• Join a gym and commit to 30 minutes of exercise three days a week.

When we focus on Progress NOT Perfection, we give our marriage room to grow!

L is for the way you look at me

O is for the only one I see

V is very very extraordinary

E is even more than anyone that you adore

Every couple has ‘their’ song. You know that song that transports you back to when you first fell in love. For us, it was Lionel Richie’s “Stuck on You”. Ah, young love.

Science tells us that when we fall in love our bodies release a hormone known as dopamine.  Aptly named eh? Science also tells us that this hormone starts to diminish after 18 months. So how do we keep love alive?

We were performing one of our Ultimate Date Nights in a small town in Ohio. The local ministerial association had joined churches together to bring us in and the event was held at the local middle school Cafetorium.  What is a Cafetorium?  It’s a large room used for a number of activities such as a cafeteria for lunch, a gymnasium for PE, and an auditorium for performances.

We were on the stage, there were chairs on the gym floor and then there were bleachers on the other side of the gym. The place was packed! We were having a great time making couples laugh and connect with each other. We noticed one particular couple was having a little too much fun.  We noticed them because there was a light that shined right down on their seating area and we also noticed them because they were all over each other. Oh, and did we mention they had to be in their mid 80’s!

After the show, we were signing books on one end of the gym and this 80 year old man vaulted over the railing that separated the gym floor from the bleachers.  His wife came scurrying up behind him with a huge grin on her face.

We said to the elderly couple “We saw you two… you were both getting a bit ‘handsy’ up there!”  Without skipping a beat she said, “That’s what keeps us young!” Then he immediately said, “You tell the youngsters to remember ­- what you did to get your spouse is what you need to do to keep your spouse.”

What sage advice!  Keep the dopamine flowing in your marriage by practicing those actions you took when you first fell in love! Date her like she’s the only girl on the planet. Flirt with him like he’s the cutest boy in school. Kiss her passionately for no reason. And whisper in his ear “I’m all yours!”

It takes work to keep the romance alive but let’s be honest, it’s FUN work. Make your marriage and the love you share last long into your 80’s and be the couple everyone looks at and says “Wow they’re still in love!”