When we stood at the altar on that memorable day and said “I do,” how many of us can honestly say that we knew what love was? For some it was an ooey gooey feeling in the pit of their stomach. For others it was the hormones that drove them crazy. As Jay and I began our life together, I can remember clearly thinking that I had married an “animal.” Our views on intimate life were at opposite ends of the spectrum. For me, intimacy was all about taking walks together, eating together, shopping together. He was all about…well, you know what he was all about!


I grew up in a very proper southern home. The word “sex” was non-existent. Now, I had married a man who thought about it all the time. As we deliberated on how to communicate our differing needs to one another, Jay expressed a word picture to illustrate his point of view “Laura, sex to me is like the air I breathe.” I promptly told him to go find an oxygen tank!

Needless to say, intimacy is a huge issue in every marriage. One of us desires affection more than the other; one desires sexual intimacy more than the other. Our appetites and tastes are very different. (By the way when I get to heaven one of my first questions is going to be why God made men and women such complete opposites!)

I have a word picture that may make these differences easier to grasp.   Gentlemen, wives are like Crock-Pots. We’re like slow cookers, that take time to cook, sometimes taking all day. First thing in the morning we need to be connected to the power source and then let us cook all day. Understand though, that if you unplug the Crock-Pot through harsh words or actions, you may have to start all over… tomorrow! Men, however, are microwaves. You just punch in the time and they are ready to go!

So there are two lessons to be learned…

Men be patient, put in the time and effort for a slow cook.

Women be willing to jump in with the heat on high, a little more often.